I don't know I don't want to be a hero
by onetrueduck
Summary: So my older brother and mother are two bad tempered ass holes dad is either none existent or a dictatory piece of shit. I need to rant before I set myself and everything into an inferno and I'm confused about myself that I'm just done. I don't want to be a hero. I've applied for my dream. AU Baku's little brother POV. This won't work but I've done it anyway. deal with it
1. chapter 1

fuck it just going to rant here k thanks.

On a day that I just can't particulary get through or I think okay just wait until 'x' happends but that 'x' does happen and it just makes you want to die because it acutally makes the whole living thing that much worse.

I don't usually call myself a damn drama queen but it just gets to me that on the day I feel like I might die due to my damn body going on strike the people around me start ganging up on me and it's really pathetic (but it has manage to irritate me something bad) and I can normally just brush that shit off but this. This, I can't really do...

Did you need example?

really?

No?

then fuck off, I am stressed out of my mind. I've been working all summer to pass these scholarship exams to join the best art academy that I've told like one person about, maybe two... umANYWAY, my older brother is a shit and won't stop making a MASSIVE deal out of something that's meaningless and will blame me for shit I don't control A.K.A the weather, take out food arriving 'late'. Shit like that. Not my fault I can acutally be friends with someone he can't stand that's his beef, get over it. It's not like I get Izuku to hang out at our house anyway. Just because he'd have a fit and it's not worth it.

Then I have mother, a woman that has a fuse as short as-a fuse that is none existint, she takes on too much work and will fight EVERYTHING.

She will come home or I would and I'd immedately get a 'WHAT THE FUCK IS-' or the silent treatment. Either way not helpful when all I really need is help sorting my life out but fuck it. This is just a rant I have kept this a secret but sometimes it just seems like she only doesn't know because she won't have an actual conversation with me.

However, the reality is that talking to mother is like talking to a fucking wall or it just starts an arguMENT I DON'T FUCKING WANT OR NEED.

and chill.

Tomorrow morning is the exam. I'm at home, in my room, lying on my back trying to calm down before I meet Theo (Shoto's younger brother) baku's back at school, I know I should just tell my folks but I'm just so done.

I couldn't muster the effort even if I tried. The care's just gone. I stopped eating my mother's food after she said one too many comments. A joke or not I do care about how I look. My body can become complete fire and it burns everything but doesn't even come close to how much my mother's roasts burns. being called 'jelly' 'cow' and 'pig' all in the same night followed by my 'defence', shall we call it, then smash plates (mother)and a final argument ultimately boiling down to some almost self-mutilation with my quirk in the heat of the moment (yes I did clean up after) somewhere in early july. Summer fun.

This damn summer has been weird. It was fun, I started hanging out with Theo, his name is Phonix but I can't run up yelling it without cracking up and he seems to like the nickname. He can be quiet but he's a cool guy. We started being friends ages ago but we go to different schools so never normally meet up so we hung out nearly all summer but there was a week of theo visiting Shoto and his mother because, I assume daddy issues but Theo didn't put it so bluntly. It was heavily implied.

So it wasn't that bad but then againURG FUCK ITS TOMORROW feeling is sinking in. I turn to my bedside clock. 18:23.

I need to go I said I'd meet Theo at 7 and stay at his tonight as he promised to get me up in time for tomorrow. #bestfriendsgoals

I got up, looked in the mirror

That'll do.

and I left.

I did a chapter. be proud of me


	2. 2

19:00 I'm in front of Theo's house and the anxiety has settled nicely in my stomach.

Deep breathe.

I'll be okay It's just another exam, just need to relax and-

"You just, going to just stand there looking lost all night?" he deadpanned

"Theo, I'm being dramatic!" I sassed.

Theo nodded as he's probably used to my weird excuse for my life, as you do, then grabbed my hand leading me inside.

He knows how I work and I'm really beyond help and can't even function. Most of the time we just hang out at our houses but on the occasion we get together with a group of others I have to either make the effort to seem like a normal human or just flow with the "I can't even function" that eitger gets a laugh or a judgy look.

I'm a mess, how the hell can I pass the exaaaaaa.. Theo slapped my face with both his hands trying to get me out my trance.

" Thanks" I calmly stated with my mushed face. Despite Theo scanning my face and looking like he wanted to say something he just let go, sighed and went to the kitchen. His family's house is huge and most of his family is away or in a far part of the house.

I followed him leaning on the doorway.

"You're so weird" Theo said while making tea "Almost all summer you were so chilled but you're freaking out now, the night before"

"I know, I just feel like today was so bad, it's like a sign of how I should feel about tomorrow" I shrugged, there was only so many silences from mother and random idiots who call themselves friends to put their woes on me and expect a miracle, one, not a genie, two, can't even handle life right now and three as I am a human I do have a limit dammit.

T turnes to me, a small smile playing on his lips.

"OR it's all the bad luck out of the way so tomorrow goes great!" He states matter of factly. I can be sassy but ask anyone I probably got it from T.

"At least you're optimistic" Self help references to myself, does that count as optimism?

"well, one of us has to be" Eyerolls was one thing you could always count on with a T.

With tea in hand we make our way to his room, I would say I've basically lived here for the past summer but its more 65% here and %25 at mine.

T was bright, in intellect and features, snow white hair and a light skin tone, bright blue eyes and a sassy personality full of logical and witty comebacks that always put you in your place. When I meet him my first reaction was the thought of us being so opposite. Same as my brother I'm the opposite, I have darker skin, dark hair, dark red eyes almost black but I have some muscle so that's almost the only similary but no this isn't a competion. I'm not petty.

I obvious can't function enough. T has made that very clear, he's helped me through nearly everything and know probably WAYYY TOO MUCH but hell there's no one else I trust more.

Am I too reliant? I dunno. But I steal all his food and make him hang out with my other friends all the time. So yeah probably.

"Did you want to go over your falsh cards one more time or watch something" T asked getting comfy on his floor in front of his TV. "Oh yeah let's get smashed and watch a horror again!" dripping in sarcasm after last time and getting my arms damn near torn off.

"ha ha" T responds with just as much sass "don't think you'll want a hang over for your exam tomorrow" he said almost in concern. "you never know it might help with an angsty art work" T was one of the few that knew I really wanted to go to art school and not be a hero. The information would make my father disown me. Shit who even knows what Baku or mother would say or do. A sinking feeling adds to the anxiety only to fade after all it's been nearly a year since I made the decision, the feeling appear more often than I like.

"you're such an art hoe" he laugh, flicking through netflix trying to find something funny. " you need a laugh, you need to relax, I need food."

"All at the same time?" I raise an eyebrow

"obviously!"

"don't worry about me babes! the promise of lunch with Theo after will get me through the exam" picking up my cup taking a sip. "what food are you thinking?"

"noodles? and dude I mean like now, you're a complete mess from spacing to flirty you're freaking out"

"nah I've been perfectly fine all day"

"riggghtt, because I totally got that vibe when you were spacing out earlier" he chuckled finding 'pride prejudice and zombies'.

"shhhhu it was your imagination" I waved off the accusation.

After about 20 minutes of the movie T got into his bed and threw me a pillow. I wasn't tired yet but T was gently snoring. Seriously, if he was that tired he could of just told me to make an alarm and stay at home but I guess he's too... I don't know. I know T and understand him more then anyone just like me but lately it's like I can barely understand what he's thinking, weird gazes and unspoken words or maybe I'm just tired and stressed and am overthinking. I'm werid.

After about the middle of the second movie and T has rolled over facing the wall I turned off the TV and made my way to his futton which has basically become my second bed. In jeans a t-shirt and massive hoodie I stole from a friend one summer beach night with the squad I looked at my phone 00:52.

6 hours 38 minutes.

I'm not going to crumble now.

I can do this.

end of chapter 2

I doubt anyone will read this part but I am almost triggered but his close to home I'm writting this I only realised I have bascially explained nothing so I need to add in more information on what the hell is happening oops.


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